What’s up with the fixation on the word f***? Lately, everywhere I turn, there it is – bumper stickers, shows and movies, songs, social media platforms, our national leaders. Authors of the last four recently published books I’ve read used it. These are authors I’ve followed for years who somehow managed to write multiple, complete literary works sans the f-word. These are people steeped in language with, I’m assuming, access to a dictionary and thesaurus, and yet that’s the word they resort to. A word that adds nothing to the story and appears out of character for those using it, especially when in every other aspect they are portrayed as intelligent, well-spoken individuals who are selective in their word choice. It’s as if the authors feel obliged to use it, as though it has become a contemporary cultural imperative.
Before going any further, let me clarify that my refusal to spell out the word in question is not because I am afraid to use it. Rather, I choose not to add validity to its use. Frankly, spelling it out endows it with a level of significance that is unwarranted. Besides, why would I want to defile your newsfeed with a word I find offensive?
Why then, you might ask, would I take the time to write about it? Well, I’ll tell you. After 65 years, I have learned that ignoring or denying a thing does not make it go away. I suspect that the increased frequency of this word’s appearance is symptomatic of underlying issues that are worthy of consideration. While explaining a behavior does not excuse it, understanding it can initiate or at least invite change.
What I find especially perplexing and disturbing about the rise in popularity of this word is its allusion to sexual intercourse. This lewd reference to an act that is, by some, customarily regarded as the ultimate human experience seems contradictory. On the one hand we reverently speak of copulation as a nearly spiritual union while on the other hand we diminish it to a vulgar epithet. Referring to coitus in this manner is essentially verbal weaponization intended to dehumanize and manipulate in an attempt to project power and control. The connotation implies that it is appropriate to think of sex as a violent, punitive act to be inflicted upon anyone who is considered an adversary.
The level of anger and hostility that elicits such language suggests an inability to accurately identify, correctly label, and appropriately express feelings. Sure, we all get angry. But anger steals joy. It infests our minds and impels our mouths to say lamentable things. As a secondary emotion, there is always a feeling experienced before the anger, even if only for a split second. Recognizing and acknowledging what triggered the anger in the first place is crucial. Whether it was disappointment, vulnerability, embarrassment, insecurity, fear, frustration, or even exhaustion, until that initial feeling is addressed, the chances of resolving the issue are highly unlikely.
While uttering the f-word may provide a temporary sense of relief from a heightened emotional state, it is not an effective, long-term strategy. Based on my observations, using it more doesn’t improve matters. If anything, it creates distance, serving as a barrier to those who might actually be able and willing to help generate constructive solutions. Overcoming anger generates peace of mind, a mind unburdened by regrets. An unburdened mind is more receptive to exploring and discovering effective means of conflict resolution.
I recently watched a movie where a nine-year-old girl used f*** as filler, similar to the use of like, you know, right, and um. When an octogenarian suggests that, “When you utter profanity in public like that you risk others thinking that you’re too uneducated to find the right words,” the child initially resents and rejects the interference. Undeterred, the elderly woman proceeds to give the young girl some alternative phrases to express her feelings. The child’s use of profanity gave her a false sense of control and power, when what she was really experiencing was desperation and vulnerability. I can’t help but suspect that this is true of many who use the f-word as a defense mechanism, loudly vocalizing their pseudoconfidence to hide their insecurities, disappointments, and fears.
In some ways, the frequent use of f*** in everyday conversations is almost comical. In dialogue with those enamored with this little four-letter word, I have heard it used as virtually every part of speech – noun, verb, adjective, adverb. Apparently, one can create an entire sentence using only the f-word. Of course, it doesn’t make any sense, but clearly that is beside the point. I’m never sure, in these instances, whether the speaker is attempting to impress me with their proficient use of the word or if they actually have something to say. Whatever message they intended to communicate gets trapped in the quagmire of obscenities.
Although we are discovering that many life forms besides animals communicate, language is still one of the defining characteristics that sets humans apart. There are over a million words in the English language alone. Three thousand of those words can be used to describe or express emotions and feelings. Could elevating the word f***, a simple, crude expletive, to a level of acceptability in public discourse be indicative of intellectual decline coinciding with the rampant mispronunciation of words, misuse of tenses, confusing words like bring and take, saying on accident rather than by accident, failure to use correct punctuation, and the incorrect use of homophones, such as their, there, and they’re. Or maybe it’s just sheer laziness. Either way, the trend suggests a downward spiral into mediocrity. Substituting a replete, richly diverse vocabulary with a single expletive may seem like a minor concern, but the deterioration of language coincides with loss of culture, identity, knowledge, and history.
Words are the means by which we come to know the world, ourselves, and others. The more words we have in our vocabulary, the more fully we can describe, express, and explain our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and ideas. Language allows us to communicate and connect with others – to tell our story. The words we use, the way we speak reflects who we are. What we say and how we say it tells more about us than about our audience. Our use of language essentially defines us, profoundly shaping the personal and social identities we construct.
The few times I have allowed the f-word to escape my lips, it has left a bad taste in my mouth. It doesn’t fit the image I have of myself or the image I hope to portray to others, especially my family, most notably my children and grandchildren. I’m not idealistic enough to claim that I will never use another four-letter word, but I can state with confidence that it won’t be this one. For all the reasons previously mentioned, it has been deleted from my vocabulary. If my stance seems drastic, just chalk it up to the mutinous musings of a troublesome woman in troubling times.
