Years ago, when my knees were much younger, I ran four miles a day.  One late-summer morning, I set off under ideal conditions – a clear sky, low humidity, and a gentle breeze.  I was reveling in the euphoria that accompanies exercise when suddenly a yellow jacket flew in my mouth and stung me.  Instinctively, I spit the bee out, but its stinger lodged in the roof of my mouth. I frantically yanked it from my palate just as the pain message reached my brain.  Instantly, it felt like I had been kicked in the throat. I was stunned by the intense agony that such a tiny creature could inflict.

This incident came to mind recently during a moment of free association triggered by current social media posts.  The swarm of venomous words flying frantically in search of their mark was striking. What happened to the claim that social media was going to improve interpersonal communication and strengthen relationships?  It certainly is not substantiated by the current prevailing on-line climate. Apparently increasing the available forms of communication does not automatically improve the quality of communication. Everywhere, from Facebook to websites to news feeds, sarcasm, accusations, generalizations, aspersions, and downright vilification are rampant.   

We are living in the midst of a cultural climate that has become verbally toxic, while at the same time, all over America, children are required to receive anti-bullying training.  Too many adults, including the leaders of our country, are epitomizing the very behavior our children are being warned not to exhibit. How can we, as adults, expect more of our children than we do of ourselves?  

When my teenage son observed, “It doesn’t seem fair that we are expected to be more mature than the grown ups,” I had to agree.  I replied, “It isn’t fair, but it will be worth the effort,” which launched us into a discussion about the power of words and practicing the right to freedom of speech responsibly. 

Here are highlights of the conclusions drawn from our conversation:

Words can hurt.  They may not break bones, but words can break hearts and spirits.  When used as weapons, words can leave deep, lasting scars that interfere with and sometimes prevent fulfilling individual potential.  Whether spoken or written, words can be either constructive or destructive. As Frederick Douglas observed, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.”  Choose words intended to nurture rather than destroy.

Mind what you say.  Lately, we seem enamored with people who “just say what’s on their mind” as though it were an admirable quality.  But just because someone says what’s on their mind does not make it true, accurate, or even real. They are merely expressing their opinion, which may or may not be based in fact.  The fact is, you cannot say what is not on your mind. So, mind what you say.

Think first.  Becoming an adult means realizing that it is not necessary, or even desirable, to say whatever comes to mind.  A hallmark of maturity is the ability to filter and edit thoughts before expressing them. Using forethought demonstrates consideration and respect for those with whom you are communicating.  Like it or not, there are repercussions from the things we say. Freedom of speech does not guarantee freedom from accountability. Builders are warned to measure twice, cut once. An equally safe policy is think twice, speak once, (or, better yet, not at all).  Sometimes the most powerful thing to say is nothing.

Etiquette rules.  When it comes to communication, there is no substitute for good manners and empathy.  What has become known as political correctness used to be called practicing common courtesy.  Speak the way you want to be spoken to. Mark Twain wrote, “Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.”

Final words. 
~ We can be honest without being cruel.
~ We can disagree without being derogatory.~ We can agree to be kind even if we disagree about everything else.
~ We can’t take words back.  If we said them, we thought them, whether we meant them or not.
~ No one can put words in our mouth.
~ What someone says to us reveals more about them than about us.
~ Avoid confusing profanity and vulgarity with wit, maturity, sophistication, or intelligence.
~ Shouting might get us noticed, but speaking calmly is more likely to get us heard.
~ It is not what we say OR how we say it that matters.  It is what we say AND how we say it that    matters.
~ For words to mean anything, actions must match them.
~ Reread messages before hitting send.

Fortunately, my encounter with the yellow jacket resulted in a full recovery.  The pain subsided after a few hours leaving me with only an unpleasant, albeit now somewhat amusing anecdote.  Those attacked by words do not always make such a quick or complete recovery. The damage can last a lifetime. Perhaps, if the words we aim at others got stuck in our throat and caused us the pain we may inflict on them, we would exercise more caution before opening our mouths.