I had intended to begin posting the second chapter of my proposed book last week, but the events of recent days, months actually, have left me deeply troubled. The word that keeps coming to mind to describe how I feel is heartsick. For the country into which I have always felt fortunate to have been born and proud to reside, I feel utterly bereft. While I am not so naive as to believe that we have ever been a people without fault, wrongdoing, and transgression, never, in my memory, has such flagrant cruelty, disregard for human decency, indifference to human suffering, and violation of the law been so blatantly committed by the very people we are supposed to look to for leadership. Not only are these offenses being carried out right in front of us, but we are being told they are normal, acceptable, and justifiable.
None of what I am seeing, hearing, and reading about is in any way, or by any definition, normal. I don’t care how it gets packaged, presented, or narrated. I don’t need any TV talk show host, radio personality, sports figure, political analyst, government official, or religious leader to tell me how I should be thinking or feeling about what is happening. All I have to do is recall the loving voices of the significant figures in my life, both living and deceased, to know that what is happening is not only wrong, but indefensible and inexcusable. The abhorrent behavior combined with offensive rhetoric attempting to justify it goes against everything I have ever been taught regarding what it means to be a mature, respectable, effective, moral, ethical, conscientious adult. If all I can do to defy what is happening is refuse to participate in it and speak out against it, then so be it. This is me speaking out against it.
Faced with the daily barrage of reports describing antagonistic, aggressive, and violent acts being perpetrated locally, nationally, and internationally, the temptation to lash out in retaliation for these injustices is intense. However, those who are acting out in this manner intend to incite others to seek vengeance. Simply put, anger needs anger.
Anger wants anger. It feeds on it. It wants to ignite anger in others so it can say, “See how angry you are. You are out of control. You deserve what you get or whatever I dish out. You are like me, not better than me.” Anger is often loud to drown out conscience.
Anger is fueled by hate which in turn results from ignorance, insecurity, fear, and self doubt. It becomes a vicious cycle, not unlike a habit or addiction that needs constant stoking. Hate is selfish. It doesn’t want anyone else to have what continues to elude it. Hate ignores and denies any sense of personal responsibility for the consequences of its actions.
Anger loathes self control, calm, and peace which threaten to defuse it. Anger fears love because love weakens it, and has the power to extinguish it. Hate craves the very thing it seeks to destroy, but somehow feels unworthy of and yet, doesn’t want anyone else to have either. Oftentimes, just beneath the surface of hate and anger is self loathing which leads to striking out at others. But this is not a sign of strength. It is the result of fear, the fear of feeling anything that might imply being vulnerable.
Anger is a normal human emotion. It is a secondary emotion triggered by a primary emotion, sometimes within a split second of experiencing the original feeling. Not surprisingly, the primary emotion is typically one that creates a sense of vulnerability such as fear, disappointment, insecurity, inferiority, embarrassment, even pain, grief, or guilt. But it is possible to be angry without becoming ugly or cruel. Anger does not have to lead to violence. Violence is a choice. When anger chooses violence, it will avoid accepting responsibility for making that choice. When anger chooses violence, it will inevitably attempt to place the blame somewhere else.
Offering an explanation for anger and how violence unfolds should in no way be confused with justification. Understanding does not mean excusing. But understanding can inform the organization and implementation of an effective response. When baited by anger, it is essential not to rise to it. That is what anger wants. The focus must remain on seeking justice, not revenge. Justice requires remaining clear-minded, levelheaded, discerning, and prudent. Rather than stoop to the tactics of anger and revenge, justice stands upright setting its sights on the high ground.
I happened to read a passage recently in My Beloved by Jan Karon that captures, in microcosm, the essence of the current phenomenon. “…intimacy frightens most people…Out of fear, people’s defenses are often scornful…mostly, they could not understand her; she was not one of them and so they feared her and did all in their power to make her feel misbegotten.” The word intimacy is used here in its broadest sense, referring to closeness, attachment, togetherness, affinity. Intimacy requires a willingness to be vulnerable, vulnerable to all of one’s own feelings as well as the feelings of others. Becoming vulnerable is an act of bravery.
ToTo those who, in spite of the risks, are bravely speaking out, standing up, marching, singing, dancing, posting, writing in peaceful protest against the current administration’s outrageous atrocities, I salute you. To those who are acting in defiance without bullying, using foul language or violence, you are an inspiration. In demonstrating against what exemplifies the worst version of America, you are demonstrating that there is a better version of America, a version in which anyone can freely choose to participate. We can, once again, be a light to the world.
